Crazy Supernatural Connections Between Me and Croton, A New F-Shirt Photoshoot, and Two New Sections on Tuna Crystals.
My buddy Croton just had a dream a couple days ago that I was in and while it was happening, (though I didn't know why at the time) I felt a weird sort of twitching spasm in my elbows while I was out fishing on my favorite lake and then I caught a huge musky just like that that almost broke the line! Me and Croton figured out the next day that my elbow spasm and my big catch directly coincided chronologically with Croton's fascinating dream. Now that's a pretty powerful connection I would have to say, and saying that means a lot coming from me since I consider myself to be a simple man and I've never given much thought to the supernatural. Croton sleeps during the day usually. That's neither here nor there.
Anyway, just thought I'd share that cool experience as long as I'm writing anyway to bring some new Tuna Crystals' things to your attention. First and most importantly, there's been a new submission to "F-Shirts Across the World" that you're all going to love. Matt and Nisse of "Brooklyn" received their matching Orange F-Shirts in the mail after hearing of our Ongoing Offer to Mail Out F-Shirts Using the Postal System, Free of Cost, to Anyone Who Requests Them In Exchange for the Promise to Take Innovative Photos While Modeling Them and they did a stellar job. Check that out: here.
And in other Tuna Crystals news, there are two new sections on tunacrystals.com: Music by Puny and Get Involved. It's no new news that Puny and Tuna Crystals are now affiliated, but now they have virtual space on our section of the internet.
Then for the 'Get Involved' section, there's Tuna Crystals documents that you can print out and distribute, including our namesake: The Tuna Crystals Recipe, and a handwashing flier. You may do whatever you wish with them. Whoa, shoot! I gotta get going - I'll explain why later!
hey my computer still doesn't have a shift key or a period one so trust me i'm not just being lazy but i have some news about 'puny' - first of all i might have forgotten on my last post to mention that i'm a member of the band so i feel comfortable reporting on the subject of news regarding 'puny' - and before i reveal the news i wanted to share the craziest dream ever that i had the other day where i was walking down the street in a big storm because i had just got laid off of my job - work just dried up which was funny considering that that was the opposite of what was happening outside with all the rain coming down and all - and the water was already flooding up past my work boots so i went to the first shop i could find to get some shelter, which was a coffee shop type of place, but instead of being in the wild west like most of my other dreams, this was more tame and no one had guns that i could see so they must have all been concealed and i was dripping wet and everyone looked up from their computers so they could see me being soggy and sad and then i tried not to get nervous but i walked up to the register and saw some cookies that looked pretty good and mostly i was here because i just needed to get out of the rain, but i thought i would get a cookie too so i pointed to the cookie i wanted and the woman behind the register grabbed it from the frosty glass case and she handed it to me and said 'two dollars and ninety eight cents please' and i reached into my pocket and pulled out all of my wet change and it was all covered in sawdust because i had just been using the table saw and i counted out three dollars and handed it to the lady and threw the rest of my soggy change into the tip jar but the lady said i had given her only two dollars and seventy five cents and i knew it was regrettable that i had tipped her before she double checked my counting because now i didn't have enough money for the cookie, but i did have some credit cards, but unfortunately there was a minimum of five dollars for credit cards, so i said 'can i just have another cookie please' to get my bill up to the five dollar minimum and she said that was fine and then i had to tip her again since she probably didn't see me tip her in the beginning - so there i was -- soaking wet and spending all my money on cookies -- and I sat down, still unemployed, at the seat by the fish tank because the fish were wet too, by nature, and i wanted to adopt some of their expressionlessness because even that would be an improvement on my glum face and they all looked at me and i looked at them and then once the fish knew i wasn't a threat they returned to their various games - mostly just either cleaning stuff or hiding from each other - and then i heard my name called -- 'croton' -- and i broke my gaze from the one fish still looking at me and remembered i was at the dentist - it could have been any dentist office in the world with the fish tank, a weather forecaster on tv, and some soft and vaguely familiar music that all the middle-aged women in the waiting room hummed along with - and i replied that i was 'right here' and without much enthusiasm i walked towards the kind voice of the receptionist, but i reminded myself that the people at the dentist office were only trying to help me because i needed to get a crown on my molar and i hadn't even seen the dentist yet, but i was already ready for the dentist's joke - it's like i could sense it - i was pretty sure that when the receptionist led me to him, he was going to put a goofy crown on my head instead of the kind of crown you put on molars - but in the meantime the kind lady was flipping through my files as she led me through the narrow hallways and she asked if i've been flossing and i said definitely and we both laughed nervously and the walls were as pink as sunburn and after a long bunch of winding corridors -- which she said were so winding because the building was constructed during the cold war when it was important that sharpshooters were not given the perfect opportunity that a long hallway provides for an angry soviet marksman -- she sits me down in a dentist chair in the middle of the hallway and says the dentist will be right here to see me and i thank the kind lady and i looked up at the tiled ceiling and one of the tiles had a big photo pasted to it of a pretty waterfall scene with deer grazing next to a naked fly-fisherman and it calmed me down and i thought i'd have to wait for a long time looking at that waterfall and listening to that familiar music that the middle-aged women all knew the words to, but then the dentist walks in right away and sure enough the first thing he does is put a crown on my head -- a wooden crown -- and he's laughing and i'm laughing because his laugh is contagious and it was pretty funny actually and eventually our laughs slow down with little hiccups here and there and i realize the dentist is my friend kevin of all people, from the tuna crystals' staff and he says 'your teeth are fine, croton' and that was a huge relief to hear and he said 'you want to go get some cookies' and i froze and was like 'wait a second i've got cookies already - i got two of them' and so we go back into the waiting room and pull two chairs next to each other facing the fish tank and we laugh and eat cookies while we watch the fish suck rocks up with their mouths and place them elsewhere, into various mounds ------
------ that was it for the dream but the news i mentioned earlier is that 'puny' is going on a tour down south, all the way to new orleans with their friends annie enneking, daniel bonespur, and hand sand hands and the tour is called 'the make me feel good' tour and daniel bonespur made a video with the details embedded inside of it that you can see if you click on the tour's name above - so come check out a show, and of course there will be new music that wasn't even on puny's most recent album the sports store
(same copy and paste trick that you're probably used to by now with that exclamation point and these parentheses and i think a new keyboard might be in the mail but i'm not sure)
This one is an Audio Glob.
hey my name is croton and just as a heads up the shift key and period key on my computer are broken so i can't capitalize anything or end sentences and i'll be announcing all the news about puny - tuna crystals' newest affiliate - who has a new ep called 'the sports store' - simply click the album's title to give it a listen - and a lot of times it helps to introduce things if i put it in the context of a dream i had and i had the craziest dream the other day where i was in the wild west, but it was on the edge of the ocean and the ocean had more bubbles than it usually does and there was a bunch of mexican standoffs going on and a big gunfight was about to break out and it would have for sure but one of the would-be gun-fighters noticed that i had wooden teeth and so his anger went away because it reminded him of his gramma and he loved his gramma and he sat everyone down and everyone put their guns away and they all got real peaceful and were listening really close for what he was going to say and when he opened his mouth to tell a story about his gramma, he accidentally farted and everyone was laughing and someone shouted: 'lets go swimming' so everyone put their swimming suits on and luckily for the ones that didn't have swimming suits just the right amount of people had two suits and they shared theirs so everyone had one and all the bubbles made it so we could breath underwater and we all swam down to the ocean floor and someone yelled in a distorted underwater voice - 'let's reenact the gunfight situation down here that we were just having up above on land but this time lets let travis tell us lots of stories about his gramma instead of going swimming because we won't be tempted to do so since we're already underwater' and then everyone was cheering and making lots more bubbles and being very supportive and then i woke up and it got me thinking about how the dream went through exactly the same movements and emotions as 'the sports store' in a big way so it might help to have the wild west dream in mind if you are listening to the album and i hope you enjoy it
ps i know you're thinking 'how'd croton use an exclamation point without a shift key,' but i copied it from a document on the internet about exclamation points and pasted it! haha oldest trick in the book!
Tuna Crystals is now more User-Friendly. Plus, there's some big news about a challenge for citizens who think they got what it takes.
Hey I know you haven't heard from me in a while, but me and Kevin have been working some things out. He's not that bad it turns out, we were just having some fundamental misunderstandings, eg: I thought he was stupid with how he was acting you know? But he was just trying to have fun with fishing and stuff. He's an okay guy it turns out. He even just got me a gift certificate to my favorite egg joint just down the block from Tuna Crystals. He can be pretty thoughtful.
Well, anyways, if you haven't already noticed, Tuna Crystals got a whole heck of a lot more user-friendly. You can still use the overhead tabs to navigate the pages, but fortunately you are not completely limited to the use of that method. You can also click on the the images on each page (eg: "Globs," "Arts and Crafts," etc) and it's labeled where your clicks will lead you. And you know how things are usually easier said than done? Well in this case, the way to navigate Tuna Crystals is easier done than said! So just try it out! You'll see what I mean. And as we like to say at Tuna Crystals: "You won't regret it!"
But perhaps more important is a new proposal and/or challenge to the world: The challenge is as follows: If you want to be a Tuna Crystals clothes model, if you think you've got what it takes, let us know at email@example.com and we'll send you an f-shirt using media mail for $100 off the asking price (eg: $0 ($20 for purple f-shirts.)) But there's a catch: You gotta promise you're up to the task. And with the demand, it might take upwards of a month for you to receive your shirt, so do yourself a favor and save your complaints, because our garbage bin on our email account is full. And if we like your photos, we'll post them on our new page, F-Shirts Across the World. And I know what you're thinking: How did some fans get a head start with the photoshoot? And I don't have an answer for that. You might as well get on the "Better Late Than Never" train, though! There's plenty of people on it and it's actually pretty cozy on that train if you like crowds. All aboard!
So take care and hurry up!
Randy said something real great yesterday, but it also reminded me that we still needed to post a glob to introduce these seven somewhat new illustrations! What he said had situational humor to it, so it might not translate well here. He said, "Even though we don't watch baseball, sometimes it feels like we should be." But at the time he was holding a neon green baseball, the same color as his nice hair and we laughed and laughed, and then we cooked a lovely meal together. I'd guess that probably translated, because I'm laughing so hard it's tough to type right now! Randy! You have to love him! Jeez!
Well, as two members of the staff at Tuna Crystals, Sandy and I are also proud and excited to announce the merging of Puny and Tuna Crystals. After teaming up for the Rodeo Video and for the Weary Travelers mural video, we are now officially one unit (after a little bit of bureaucracy and paperwork we won't bore you with here!) It feels like Tuna Crystals is going to eventually merge with the whole world, because let's be honest: First Starkist Tuna, and now Puny! We are gathering some very important affiliations. And if you haven't noticed, f-shirts.org went under it seems like. It doesn't seem like a coincidence, considering how well our clothing is selling. $500? Seriously? It certainly does not surprise me and Randy that they couldn't get enough business with those prices, even though they were probably French and honestly, they did have good style: I'll be the first to admit that. Too bad, though, because Randy and I like competition, and we think that love and competition can coincide gracefully. Competition can drive ingenuity as well as love. Competition is a love-driver.
Well, there's a new Puny album on it's way, and just as a little teaser Sandy and I will let you know..... It's a sports album! So we'll keep you posted, which means you'd better keep checking here for new globs!
Remember to always spread love!
<3 Randy Sandy and Sandy Randy <3
Hey Guys! We have a new Music Video to show you and I might as well catch you up to what I've been up to, too, as long as I'm here!
I know you've probably gotten used to Randy Sandy and Sandy Randy introducing all the new Tuna Crystals videos to you, but I'm going to step in for them here with this one, because it's almost impossible to get trained in into anything from the sidelines! You've got to be right up there on the front lines if you really want to get some beneficial experience. However, Randy Sandy and Sandy Randy are right in the other room if I have any questions, which is nice. They're good role models for me and I appreciate them.
The other day I had a big scare. I was delivering pizzas (off-duty, of course since now I have this Tuna Crystals job) and a bunch of dogs were chasing me all of the sudden and they were barking and slobbering and I thought I was a goner for sure, and I was running as fast as I could, but they caught up to me and tackled me and I was so scared. But I quickly found out they didn't want to hurt me, they just wanted my pizza! So I let them have some of it, but while I was sitting on the ground next to them watching them eat, I started peeling some of the pizza off the sidewalk and eating it too, and the dogs kinda started to respect me, I think, because they probably thought I was one of them or something. I was almost completely in the moment and I knew that the family I was delivering pizzas to would understand completely what had happened and they wouldn't be mad at me or anything. All the dogs took off when the pizza was gone, except for one. He just wanted to be scratched, and he didn't have a collar on or anything, so I ended up just taking him home and keeping him because I didn't see any lost dog posters around or anything. I named him 'Pizza', because it's his favorite food, and now we do everything together. They even said I could take him into work every day here at Tuna Crystals, so it's really cool! He's asleep right now. He stayed up all night last night chewing my sneakers, which is fine, because I don't ever wear shoes, but my parents always give me new pairs every couple of months, so this way I won't ever have to buy my dog Pizza any new toys, because he loves my sneakers so much! It works out so good. But my parents would probably kill me if they found out I was letting Pizza chew on my sneakers. Like I said, though, I don't/won't ever wear them, so it's not my problem.
Well anyway, this video I get to introduce today is a music video for a song called "Instrumental for a Rodeo" by the band Puny. I've always liked rodeos, so I'm happy to finally be able to recommend a rodeo video on behalf of Tuna Crystals. I just heard somewhere that humans are the only animals to ever go about organizing rodeos. I thought that was a pretty neat fact.
At home, my dad made some sort of casserole for dinner a couple nights ago, but he made so much if it that we're going to have to eat it FOREVER! And I HATE leftovers! I can only eat most foods once a week at the most, except for pizza I can eat every day. I could actually probably eat it for every meal, honestly. Pizza is easily my favorite food. If someone said to me, "Tony, how long do you think you could go on, eating once slice of pizza every hour, day and night? Someone would wake you up every hour while you were sleeping during night time and give you a slice and you had to eat it. How long could you do it?" I would probably say "forever/indefinitely." Probably at least until I got the flu or something. I get flu shots every year though, so that's unlikely. Pizza is the pinnacle of food. It even brings people together sometimes. Like with pizza parties and things like that.
Well, Randy Sandy and Sandy Randy just came over here and said it's time for me to clock out and go home, and this seems like as good a spot as any for me to sign off, so I'd better wrap this up. Thanks for reading and make sure to leave a post if you want to hang out ever or anything. Also leave a post if you feel like letting us know what you think about rodeos!
Me and Sandy are happy and proud to introduce another new Tuna Crystals video! This new one has a few similar elements to the Mexican Standoff video we just recently revealed, but it is in a Morning Talkshow format as opposed the the previous Western feel of the Mexican Standoff one. The topics are 'food', 'hard work', and Randy couldn't help but notice there's a little 'love' thrown in there, too. Which is what we've always been preaching. But the thing behind any good preacher worth their marbles that you'd hope to find is that he/she had better be preaching what they actually do themselves. Like a "you are what you eat" kind of thing. And we don't like to Pat ourselves on the back, but since there are two of us, Sandy can Pat my back and I can Pat Randy's for him, and since we're unified in matrimony, it's like we're patting our own back as a result, even if we're physically patting each others. As long as you're doing it without hubris, it's okay.
So get your baseball gloves on, because we're pitching a little bit of eternal love your way. Catch the love and spread it around, because we know from experience, there's enough of it for everyone to get their bite!
Randy Sandy and Sandy Randy
Randy and I are not alone, here at Tuna Crystals, or in the whole world, in our obsession with Mexican Standoffs, because they are situations that always reflect actual day-to-day situations. They can reflect simple activities like trying to cross the street and someone else is crossing, too, from the other way, but when you meet you try to go to the left, but they go the same way, and then you both try to go the other way, but a car is coming from one direction, and someone's popping out of a manhole in the other direction and she might want to hurt you, too, so the theoretical tension grows exponentially. Well, me and Sandy, as you know, are big researchers, and we found that the internet says what a Mexican Standoff is the best. It says: "A Mexican Standoff is most precisely a confrontation among three opponents armed with guns. The tactics for such a confrontation are substantially different from those for a duel, where the first to shoot has the advantage. In a confrontation among three mutually hostile participants, the first to shoot is at a tactical disadvantage. If opponent A shoots opponent B, then while so occupied, opponent C can shoot A, thus winning the conflict. Since it is the second opponent to shoot that has the advantage, no one wants to go first." So with that in mind, we have a new video drama with an inside view into the minds of three Mexican Standoff participants from the sixties.
Just as a heads up, Randy and I will from now on be the ones who most frequently introduce new Video Dramas on Tuna Crystals. Tony will likely introduce some of them, too. He's a tall and energetic good worker and he consistently proves himself to be a loyal and friendly member of Tuna Crystals and we're happy to have him with us, Sandy and I.
Keep in mind that love spreads like a kind of disease that is good to have and we all must do our part.
Randy Sandy and Sandy Randy
Think of the places you'll enjoy Neutronic Ear.